"There is nothing like making a French person feel like a discarded piece of chopped liver by not acknowledging their presence."
Canadians are known around the world for being polite. The French have a reputation for being not so courteous. As a Canadian who moved to France more than a decade ago and has now lived experience in both of these countries, I feel that I can say I have gained some comparative expertise in judging the French and their level of politeness.
When you bump into another pedestrian on the sidewalk in Canada, the person being bumped into says, “Sorry.” Why is it that the “bumpee” says “sorry” rather than the “bumper”? Who really is to blame? That’s just how it is in Canada, and sorry is one of Canadians’ favourite words.
Getting anywhere in Canada can sometimes be challenging because everyone is so polite. When going through a doorway at the same time as someone else, it turns into a “No, after you” standoff. Hence, folks end up having an extended, considerate debate for an hour at the front door of local dry cleaners before either one of them finally crosses the threshold to enter. In Canada, buying clothing items that can be washed by hand or machine is advisable.
Another story is about a four-way stop at an intersection. The rule of the four-way is that if two cars arrive at the intersection, the first car to arrive has the right of way, and if you arrive at the same time, you defer to the right. I found myself in this scenario with three other cars one day, all of which arrived at approximately the same time. I was the last one to arrive, but the other drivers kept gesturing and smiling and mouthing the infamous “You go first” phrase, so by the time I got home from work, I had to skip a good night’s sleep, and I had just enough time to have a quick shower and start the day anew. (I may be exaggerating a little here.)
I honestly don’t find the French rude, and it is often quite the opposite. It’s just a different culture and way of viewing the world. It is quite a polite society. The rules are a little more formal than in North America, and you must know the game here. If someone bumped into me in the street in Paris, for example, as the “bumpee,” if I said “sorry” or “pardon” in French, the “bumper” would look at me like I had escargots crawling out of my ears.
The rules of politeness or manners, known as ‘la politesse” or “savoir-vivre” in France, can be somewhat complicated. For example, greetings in a business setting is generally a handshake. If it is between friends, you do “la bise” or the little air/cheek kisses, whether you are male or female, but the number of times you do it can vary from region to region. In Paris, it is generally done once on each cheek. There have been a few instances when I managed to turn this greeting into a somewhat awkward situation when I started “la bise” from the wrong side. Then it becomes a mad dodge of the head by the other person to avoid getting “la bise” right, smack on their kisser. Meanwhile, I have managed to make the other person risk a severe dislocation of the vertebrae in the neck.
The French can appear cool and standoffish, but it is because they are a little more formal in their day-to-day interactions, and if we unknowingly break those rules, we can appear rude to them, and they, in turn, may be frigid and uncooperative. However, two simple phrases are easy to learn and use, and I guarantee they will get a smile and some assistance if you need it.
1. Bonjour
Say bonjour always, and I can’t emphasize always enough. Whether you are entering a shop or an elevator or want to ask someone a question on the street, you must open with bonjour, or you may get an icy stare or just be ignored. When I’m with clients on a Flavors of Paris food tour, I advise them not to be shy and to say bonjour to everyone during our visits.
I find that saying bonjour is an elegant form of acknowledgement. When entering shops in North America, we tend to keep our heads down and look at the merchandise until the clerk approaches us and asks us if we need any help. There is nothing like making a French person feel like a discarded piece of chopped liver by not acknowledging their presence.
Around 6 o’clock in the evening, bonjour switches to bonsoir, but don’t worry if you don’t make the switch exactly on time. It tends to get slightly bungled up, even with the French, around this time of day.
2. S’il vous plaît
I remember when I was a kid, the adults would ask, “What is the magic word?” when I forgot to say please. It’s the same thing for the French. S’il vous plaît, does apparently have magical powers. If you need help or are trying to get someone’s attention, like a waiter in a restaurant, just try to catch their eye and say s’il vous plaît. If you throw in a bit of a lost puppy dog look along with it, I assure you it will get you some cooperation and help.
Bonjour switches to bonsoir around 6pm.
In conclusion
There are several more helpful phrases for “la politesse” that you can employ because the French style of etiquette is a little more complex than that in America, even in a casual setting. But if you start with these two phrases, your visit to Paris will truly be a pleasant experience.
These days, more and more Parisians speak English. Many of them will respond to you in English if they can when they see you need some help, and many Parisians enjoy meeting Anglophones because they like to practice speaking English.
That wasn’t always the case. I remember visiting Paris many years ago, and the Parisians would look down their noses at me as I struggled to say something in French. Today, they have yet to shake off that reputation for being snooty.
Like in any big city, people can be stressed and a little uptight, and you can run into a rude person. It has happened to me in Paris, but most of my interactions are positive. One of the most exciting things about travelling is interacting with the locals, and I am heartened to hear my clients, who take tours with us, say that they are surprised by just how friendly and polite the Parisians are!
Looking For More Insights on Parisian Culture?
Comments